Friday Snippet and the missed week between them

I realise that I missed a week. I've been super busy with exams, but they'll be over soon and I won't be so hectically studying!

But for now, here's the second scene of M+D. Disclaimer, unedited first draft etc, do not steal etc. All that. And a note that the first few scenes are a bit uncertain as I got into the characters viewpoints. Later on they get shorter and 'sharper'.


POV: Meira

I twisted around in my chair to watch the building fight in the back row. That new girl had chosen the worst seat in the whole room, right next to Julian. From the look of her, though, she and the jerk might be well suited.

With short, ragged blonde hair, a dark outfit with tiny splashes of bright, clashing colours, and a scowl to rival my brother’s, she looked like a punk gone wrong. Or maybe not quite punk enough; she’d definitely need black hair to really look the part. I watched, semi-curious, as Mr Hayes broke up their scuffle. We hadn’t had anyone new for over a year now, and everyone kept glancing at her even when the fuss had died down and Mr Hayes went back to assigning lockers.

I copied my own number down neatly and then watched quietly as the class proceeded. I always felt the first few days of the year were pointless, because we never got anything done except ramble on endlessly about due dates and plagiarism and homework and God knows what else. I tended to tune out most of the irrelevant stuff and talk to my friends. Thank goodness, we were the smartest in the class, so even when they did care about the introductory babble, it never took long for them to have completed anything we were asked to do. I did it when I felt like it, or when it was being marked.

“Hey,” I said to my best friend, Lauren, who sat beside me. “What do you think of her?”

She didn’t need to ask who I meant. “Bit… brash, isn’t she? A real tryhard, but not a snob. Sort of like the opposite. I don’t understand why anyone would bother actually trying to look bad.”

I shrugged. “Well, she did have to put up with Julian. Oh, sorry, Jules,” I added sarcastically.

Lauren laughed, and straightened her books up on her desk. “That is true. Maybe she’s not too bad. But…” She glanced behind us again; I mimicked her to see Devi still writing, head down. “Well, I wouldn’t bet on it.”

I giggled too, and shook my head. “Guess we’ll have to wait another year to find someone else interesting.”

“Yeah. What locker are you?” Lauren turned to ask our other friends too, and I waited until she faced me again before answering.

“103. Anywhere close?”

She sighed. “Nope. I’m way up the other end, in 523.”

It wasn’t quite as far away as it sounded; for some strange reason, our lockers worked in batches of thirty, beginning at the hundred and counting up to the hundred-and-thirty, and then moving onto the next hundred. We’d all long since given up asking why; none of the teachers knew either. When I enquired further, I found that no one was closer than about fifty lockers away from mine.

“Ah well. Maybe I’ll actually be able to get to class on time, without you lot bugging me in the morning,” I kidded, elbowing Lauren.
She grinned back at me, knowing full well that we were always at least a few minutes early to every class. I did it because there was really nothing else to do around here; I think they did it because they seriously worried about losing marks if they ever turned up late. Devi had shown us before that it didn’t do anything except get a reprimand, if that.

The bell rang. It wasn’t recess yet, but I picked up my bag anyway. We had two morning classes before that first break in the day, and it was never long enough. How could twenty minutes be anywhere near enough to relax and eat and catch up with friends? However, today, as on all first days of the year, we had lockers to find and pack. Our class was allocated this second period to get this done before recess, so that we weren’t stuck in the busy corridor trying to do it.

“C’mon,” I said, standing up. Lauren grabbed her bag too and followed me out.

I paused, watching the miniature crowd milling around the lockers and rolled my eyes. Didn’t anyone understand the concept of taking turns? Then again, it’s a small town. Probably not.

I waded through the sea of people to my locker. Alright, it wasn’t really that many; when I went to the city, the first and only time ever, I was shocked by how many people were crammed into such a small area. Out here, where we lived, it was so different. Wide, open, spacious. But I knew people who’d lived around here all their lives, and I wanted to scream at them. Why didn’t you get out and explore?

A bag caught my shoulder and someone shouted an apology; I didn’t know them, which meant they came from one of the other localities. Brought back to school, I went in search of my locker. I knew where to look, and dropped my bag right at the end of the locker row. I had one side open, a great spot to have.

Not so great were the jock guys gathered only a few lockers across, their joking painfully loud. I rolled my eyes and dug my old lock from my bag, ignoring them. My books were all neatly packed, so it was easy for me to transfer them from my bag to my locker. Textbooks on this side, folders and notebooks on the other. Space for lunch above, space to put my bag beneath. There, easy. I glanced down at a guy throwing his stuff into his locker haphazardly and shook my head.

The jock guys still stood by their lockers, and I noticed the new girl standing waiting for them to move. Strange; for such a ‘brash’ girl, I hadn’t seen her until now, but she looked like she’d been standing there a while. Shifting from foot to foot, her bag dropped on the floor beside her, glaring at the jocks, but not saying a word.

“Hey,” I said, taking a few steps towards them.

The looked at me, half curious. I shook my head sharply. “No ideas, guys. Get a move on, though. You’re holding up the queue.” I waved my hand at the new girl. Devi, that was her name.

“Oh, sorry,” one of the jocks sneered, but with a wide grin. He raised one eyebrow at me.

I gave a short laugh and turned my back on them. “Find someone else,” I threw over my shoulder, only to see a dark shape move up behind me.

“Who do you think you are?” Devi stood close to me – too close.

I stepped back, looking up at her just a bit. Her eyes were narrowed, and there was a muscle pulled tight in her neck.

“Just helping,” I said, shrugging with my hands. “You’d been there for ages -- ”

“I don’t need any help,” she snapped before I could finish. She brought her hands up, not quite in fists, but didn’t touch me.

I took another step away and waved my own hands, brushing hers away. “Geez, I won’t help next time, then. Give it a break. Are you afraid of them or something?” I added, glancing over her shoulder at the jocks, who were now hanging around in the middle of the corridor.

“I’m not afraid of anything,” she said, her voice low and furious. She looked around too, and scowled as the jocks burst into laughter at some stupid joke or other. “Especially not them. Jerks.”

“Jocks, actually.” I grinned, and held out my hand. Maybe if I let it go she’d calm down? Couldn’t hurt to try. I didn’t even have a clue why she was angry.

Devi slapped my hand away, and I snatched it back. “What was that for?” I snapped.

“Leave me alone,” she hissed, and turned to her locker. She grabbed her bag and hauled it up to her chest height. I stared at her for a few seconds, absently realizing that she was keeping her locker tidy as she put everything in. Then I huffed and turned away. I made sure my own lock was shut properly before leaving her to her mood.

Lauren was waiting for me a short distance away. “What was that about?” she asked. “I was about to come over when you left.”

“Something stupid,” I said with a shrug. “Cracked it when I told the guys to let her get to her locker.” I brushed my hair back and blew out a pfft of air. “Who knows.”

“Sounds like a bitch to me.”

“Well…” I glanced over to a gathering of girls in miniskirts and tight singlets. “Maybe not quite a bitch.”

Lauren followed my gaze and laughed. “No, maybe not quite.” She looked back at Devi, in her black clothes – in this heat! “I couldn’t see her in one of their skirts.”

I laughed too. “C’mon. Let’s get back in.”

“Right.”

We headed back over to the classroom. I glanced at Devi once more, and was surprised to meet her eye for a second. She held my gaze and then looked away dismissively. I shrugged. I didn’t need any petty fights. I had enough already.

First Friday-ish Snippet

Even though I still haven't managed to figure out the Mr. Linky stuff, I decided I might as well post a 'Friday' snippet anyway, even if it is Sunday already here. So, this is the first scene in my current, untitled WIP that I refer to as my M+D or Devi+Meira story. This is one of the longer scenes, but I love Devi's character, so I think it works well as an intro into her mind. But remember, this is first draft, full of typos and mistakes and will definitely be edited, rewritten or completely discarded later!

Enjoy!

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Scene 1: POV DEVI

I looked up at the dilapidated building and sighed. Another new town, another new school. Every one seemed to be worse than the last.

The school looked about to fall apart; some sections stood roped off from entry, crumbling to pieces even as I watched. A strange silence hung over the whole place, all the others in class already. I just had to be late on my very first day, didn’t I?

I slowly walked up the steep slope of the driveway to the main doors and paused. I could just find my own way to class. If the office ladies saw me late on the first day of school, my first day ever, they’d glare and sigh and huff and – yes. I could definitely find my own way around.

I spotted a door around the corner, leading into the warren of classrooms and corridors, and hurried over to it, swinging my backpack around on my shoulder so I could reach into it. I rummaged around until I found the school diary they had posted to my new house, then shoved the door open. Where was I first?

I flipped the pages until I found a map, buried in the middle of a bunch of useless information, and tried to locate my room on it. Thankfully, they’d allocated me to classes before I arrived. I could change them later, but for now at least I could find where I was supposed to be.

Or I should be able to find where I should be. I scanned the map carefully until I finally spotted the room, the room number so tiny that I’d missed it several times. However, a miniature maze of hallways lay between it and me. Great. Just great. I forced the dairy into my bag again, bending the cover backwards. I shrugged and yanked the zips closed.

I ventured into the school, and spent a good ten minutes wandering up and down various hallways. I got angrier the further I searched; surely it couldn’t be so hard to find a single room in a scabby old school? I kicked at the ground when I reached the end of yet another hallway without finding the room number I needed. Did they have to make it so bloody difficult?

Finally I spotted the room number I needed, and hurried towards it, then stopped a few steps from the door. I rested my face in my hands for a few seconds, closing my eyes and breathing in deeply. Once I was in, I’d just be another face, but God I hated the first minute. Everyone watching, waiting, staring. Everyone wondering who I was. Everyone judging me. Rejecting me.

I strode forward quickly before I could leave and pushed the door open.

The door swung swiftly on its hinges and crashed into its stop on the wall behind it. I cringed inside, but held my face still. I couldn’t see anyone yet, not even a teacher. I stepped inside.

A classroom of faces stared up at me, including the teacher, bent over someone’s desk where he was collecting a paper. An old man, scrutinizing me with sharp eyes and a suspicious frown. I tried not to fidget and stood straight, looking him back in the eyes.

“I’m Devi,” I said. “Sorry I’m late.”

He straightened and walked towards the front of the room. He glanced down at the roll and then back up at me again, picking up a pen.

“Devaki?” He spoke short and sharp, just like his eyes, but crisp. Efficient.

“Devi,” I corrected, but then nodded.

He hmm-ed at me, but marked off my name and waved the pen at me. “Don’t be late next time,” he said. “Take a seat.”

“Fine,” I said and turned around, only to find most of the eyes in the classroom glaring at me. I shivered in my belly, but simply clenched a fist and then let it loose again. No deep breaths in front of a crowd. Too obvious. Saying nothing, I walked through the rows of tables, right to the back of the room. As I went heads turned and watched my path, then dismissed me, just like that, and returned towards the front.

I sat at the end of the last row, a seat between me and the next person. Two guys sat together, lounging in their seats and smirking at me. I watched them from the corner of my eye for a moment, then twitched my nose and frowned down at my bag as I hauled some books out.

“You don’t need those for the first class.” The sarcastic voice came from my left, and I knew it was one of the two guys. I closed my eyes for a moment, pressing my lips together to contain myself and then looked up, straight into the eyes of the nearest guy.

He leaned back on two legs of his chair, arms folded, arrogant chin up as he eyed me. I snorted quietly and dropped the books on my desk anyway.

“Maybe you don’t,” I said, watching his eyes. “But then, you don’t ever need them.”

His eyebrows went up and he brought the other two legs of the chair down with a little thump as he turned further towards me. His gaze traveled noticeably down my body and I seethed, a tiny growl in my throat. He half-closed his eyes, considering, and then nodded once, a short controlled movement.

“Nice,” he said. “You shouldn’t waste your time on schoolwork.”

“You shouldn’t waste your time with your brain,” I snapped and turned my back on him, reaching down to my bag again. I froze when I felt a warm hand touch my shoulder and then begin to trail down.

“Feisty one, are we?” he muttered, close to my ear. He must have moved over, I realised, before swinging my arm around. It hit his with a thunk; I stopped quite suddenly and he jolted, unbalanced for a moment. His face hung close to mine for a moment, surprised, and I pushed him away, my palms sweating against his shoulders for the second I had to touch him.

“Don’t touch me,” I snarled. “Do not try and think anything about me; you might hurt your head. Fuck off.”

“Jules, leave her alone, mate.” This came from the guy sitting on his other side, who shook at the jerks shoulder nervously, glancing over at me so quickly that I couldn’t catch his eye. Wimp.

Jules brushed him away and continued to stare at me.

“Ooh, scary,” he jeered, holding his hands up in mock submission and leaning back in his chair again. “What’s wrong, little Devil? I can call you Devil, can’t I?”

The last question wasn’t really a question though, and I scowled deeply.

“You can call me whatever the fuck you want, Jules,” I spat, “as long as you don’t mind a broken nose.” I pushed my clenched fists hard against my thighs, trying to stay calm and in control. My muscles pulled tight in my chest so that I could hardly breath. In and out, slowly. I closed my eyes.

“I’ll take my chances,” Jules whispered, and I felt the whisper of air as he reached towards me once more, but before I could react, loud footsteps clomped up beside my chair.

I looked up and around, only to see the teacher standing against my desk, glaring down at us.

“Julian!” he said, snapping his fingers at the jerk beside me. “Leave Miss Devaki alone and get some work done.”

“Devi,” I whispered, barely audible, but he glanced down at me for a fraction of a second. I bit my lip and shrugged.

“But there’s no work yet, Mr Hayes” Jules replied, an infuriating purr in his voice. I felt like kicking him as easily as I could a kitten. “We were just talking.”

“Talking doesn’t involve harassing the poor girl,” Mr Hayes said, deep lines crinkled in his face. He ignored the work comment, which was more than I could have done in his place. “Either move or stop it immediately. Otherwise, I’ll have you in detention on the first day. Would your parents appreciate that?”

Jules sank down from his arrogant pose, almost deflated. I watched him from the corner of my eye while looking up at Mr Hayes with a small crooked smile touching my lips.

“Fine. Get back to your posturing,” Jules muttered, and turned around to the wimpy guy beside him.

“Excuse me.” Mr Hayes remained where he was, almost looming over me, and I started to feel uncomfortable. “I don’t believe that is how you address me, or Devi.” He waited, and the silence stretched on as Jules looked as us again.

“Okay, okay! Sorry.”

“And?”

“Sorry… Devi.”

“Right. Now, to get back to the topic—“ He strode away to the front of the room again, and began to speak about locker allocations.

Jules started to turn around again as soon as Mr Hayes had left, but I shook my fist just below desk level and looked him in the eyes. “Just tempt me,” I growled, and turned my back on him.

“I wish I could.” Just a murmur.

I breathed in deep and slow as I rummaged in my bag for a pen, but managed to ignore him. I stayed bent over for a few seconds more than I really needed, holding onto the pen tightly in one hand until my fist loosened and I let out a long breath, feeling it cold in my mouth. When I sat up again he was facing away from me, talking to the wimp again.

I leaned forward and began to make small jottings from the board where Mr Hayes was writing, and hoped that Jules was the worst I could meet.

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Learn more about Friday Snippets here!
Please excuse my technological bumble for the moment. I'm sure I'll figure out the linky thing sometime soon.


Wolverine

Kiwifruit

Wow. It really has been a long time since I've been here. I've been enjoying my life and I guess I just haven't felt the need to post. However, there are topics I want to explore further that I don't feel are appropriate for or right to post on the goals board, so I think here would be perfect.

Today I ate a kiwifruit for the first time in quite a few years. I had abandoned them, scorning them as too sharp, too biting, perhaps even sour. Bitter. Strange, for I'd liked them up until that point.

Have you ever seen a double-ended kiwifruit knife-spoon? Safe to carry around, safe to take to primary school, and generally a fun, bright colour, they were part of my childhood. I'd cut the top of my kiwi off with the blunt little knife-end, and then sit happily scooping out the flesh. Bright green flesh with a pale centre and little black seeds. It has the most amazing look to it.

So today, for the first time in years, I ate one again. Even the centre, even the seeds. Today I was lacking a knife-spoon, those little plastic things which never even had a nickname. Or maybe they did, and I just can't remember. But today I didn't have one. I sliced the skin off in a spiral, like my mum does, although nowhere near as efficiently as she can. Sadly, I lost quite a lot of the flesh in misplaced cuts, leaving it still stuck to the skin. Supposedly you can eat the skin, but it's all furry, and I couldn't imagine putting it in my mouth.

I cut it up into fork-sized chunks, and ate the whole thing (although it *was* little) in about thirty seconds flat. It was sweet and just the tiniest bit sharp, and it was beautiful.

And I'd only brought one with me: 'to try'. I could have eaten half a dozen more.

Wolverine.

Greetings Again

I am back from the abyss. Well... not really. I just hardly went on the internet when I was at home, that's all.

I love being at home. It's quiet and family-ish and non-uni-ish and... well, yeah. That's why, really. So much so that I feel no need to go on the computer. Honestly, none. I've got two -- my desktop, which lives at home, and the laptop I'm using now, which lives at uni, yet I probably turned them on maybe three or four times (not counting updates for the firewall/virus protector programy thing or virus scans).

Now I'm back at uni. It's very late, I didn't eat dinner tonight and I have class tomorrow morning. Soooo.. I think I'll go to bed without saying anything else.

But I'm back.


Wolverine.

No More Exams

No photo today -- I'm back on my old computer with old photos that I need to sort through.

However, I have finished my exams. And I'm home. That's about all that really matters right now.


Wolverine.

Goofy and Great

It's not the best one I took today (the best has slightly better focus and quite a bit better composition) but it's the greatest. I mean, come on, isn't it adorably goofy? I know she's just cleaning, but frozen in time like that just makes me giggle. (Okay, lots of things right now make me grin and giggle.)

I did my Chemsistry exam today! Yeah! Feel like I went well, even with a few small things I didn't know, and that means that my most worrisome exam is done! (More exclamation abuse today.) I came into knowing Yr 9 level Chem while it expected Yr 12 level Chem, and I managed it. Maybe I won't ace it, but I've done damn well for trying to pick up 2.5 years in 4 months. I'm not going to be shy or modest about it -- I worked hard and it paid off, and I'm very very happy about it.

And I took some funny goose photos. What could be a better day?

I did get studying done for my final exam tomorrow, Maths. Although it was a bit tough I got it done and scored well, so I feel confident (must look up the spelling of that...). I'm ready. I'm pumped. And once it's done, I"M GOING HOME!

Tuesday the 19th of June 2007 is a GREAT day. Monday the 18th of June 2007 was a PRETTY DAMN GOOD day too.

(Now the little gremlins will come in the night to steal my caps-key and exclamation-key.)


Wolverine.

Big Smiles

Six little birds, all in a row. Lookie at them. They wouldn't let me get much closer; they all flew off about 30 seconds after this photo.

Had a great day today. Finished TWO past Chemistry exams, which makes me feel a lot more confident about the exam. I feel ready for it, which is good, because it's tomorrow! (I'm Miss Exclamation! tonight.)

Not only did I get academic stuff done, but I spent a couple hours 'networking', ie, making friends, which is the first time I've really managed to come out of my shell around here. Felt great. Took up the majority-rest of the evening, but it was worth it. And then I came across the 'Free Hugs Campaign'. What a great way for things to fall together. I need a 'Free Hugs' t-shirt, or jacket, or something. Then I could 'Free Hug' even when I'm doing other things.

Academic, social and personal stuff, all in one day. And I got rained on. Well, can't ask for everything.

Wolverine.

Not Very Interesting -- More Study

A recent photo, although not today's. I only took four today, and they weren't worth putting up.

Haven't had a brilliant day, during a time when I cannot really afford to have off days. Struggled to get any work done, mainly due to focus and motivation and frustration. I only have one and half days until my exams are completely over. Eek. That means that tomorrow I have to study, and then Monday after my Chem exam I have to study for my Maths exam. And then by Tuesday afternoon I'll be free!

Huge mug of chamomile, early night and a fresh start tomorrow. Bright perspective. Might go out for an early morning walk and freeze or something similar.

Wolverine.

Blink. Tired.

One of my best photos, about a year old, I'd say. Taken in the dark, on manual focus and (obviously) manual pointing, when the screen was pitch black. And somehow, this one turned out great. I still love it. She's saying, "Leave me alone while I eat my apple!"

Today was basically full on from 10am until 10pm. Past exam then help desk then walking then dinner out for a friend's birthday. Gasp, pant. I haven't hardly stopped being cranially active since I started this morning.

So, no long post. My brain has officially turned off early tonight. My eyes are dry and I kept yawning on the phone to my parents. I think sleep is in order.

Although, I'm happy with the work I got done today, and the evening was fun (and free food too!). So it was worth it.


Wolverine.

Exam 2 -- Tick!

Very old photo (at least 2 years old now, eek). I still like it, even after ages. Estoric but done completely using non-digital techniques. I call it 'Angel'.

When someone asks you a questions, you normally either give a quick answer -- Do you like coffee? No -- or you stop and think -- What do you think about ... ? Most answers come into the quick category, but with a little imput from the thinking category.

I completed my second exam today. When my parents or my friend that I saw today asked how I went, I replied, "Not brilliantly, but not too bad." So, fairly neutral. Composed. When an almost-stranger in my residence passed me on the way back from the kitchen and asked the same question, I grinned and said "Good!" So, a good response this time.

The composed answers came through the filter of my thinking mode. I didn't want to appear just emotional, without reason. I did have reasons to think the whole exam didn't go great; I didn't get all of it right, for a start. But the natural, impulsive response tends to be the one that I truely believe inside. I think it's probably the same for all of us. So, despite my acknowledgement of the unobtainable answers, I feel the exam went well overall.

Now that's a nice place to be after an exam.


Wolverine.

'Two's and 'Twoo's

Today is the day for two's. It is the first day of my second week here. (2 weeks.) It is the day before my second exam. (2 exams.) When that exam is done (which I have already completed studying for) I will have 2 exams left. And 2 ducks. Well, of course.

I remember the very high's and low's of me a few years ago. Whether it was depression or just severe teenage hormones, I don't really care anymore. I'm just glad when, like today, I have a fairly bad up-and-down day in terms of emotions, that I'm not in that place anymore. Nothing can compare to manic highs and depressive lows. So, even on bad days, when I'm struggling - going fine - struggling - breezing by, I can see how much better life is now.

Which opens the door to how much better life could be. When I was in the depths of my depressive stage, I couldn't see anything better. Well, I could, but I couldn't see it happening to me. Isn't that what many people see in their lives? Sure, some people are super happy, but it's not for me. I'm fine just where I am.

Until you've climbed out of pits, you don't know what a blessing ground level can be, but you also can see the possibility that this 'ground level' is just the leg-up for a higher and better stage.

Got my exam tomorrow. I've struggled to get projects in on time, to understand many complex functions, to find the motivation to work. I want a good mark right now, I have reasons and the ambition for it, and I can do it. Beat that, nyeah.

Someone proabably can. But right now, that's good enough for me. I'll explore the next level up soon.

Think positive. It works.


Wolverine.

Preening

Silly little duckie. I think he looks cute, preening himself and generating a nice ripple effect at the same time.

This isn't going to be a long post. I have the start of a headache from being on the computer and listening to music (even quietly) for too long, so I know I have to get off quick smart before I aggravate it.

I enojyed today though, mostly. I did my first uni exam and went well in it! Yay for me! It was Physics, one of the subjects I've struggled with this semester, so I'm overjoyed that I was able to get through it fairly well, put an answer to everything and feel that I understood (or at least memorised) most of the important points. So now it's done, and on to the next subject.

I've spent most of my past few days, when I haven't been studying, on a site I've found recently. It's a personal development site, and some of things he says are pretty thought-provoking. Especially the stuff about following your dreams and doing the things you love and getting out of life exactly what you want, not what other people say you should want.

I'll get through my exams and then spend my break pondering all of that and what it means to me. Why am I here, right now, in this place? Why did I feel like I was led to be here? Where is it going (dangerous ground now)? What can I do to make my life better? What are my weaknesses and how can I improve them?

That's a heap of things, and I can't do everything at once. I know that. You know that. Everyone knows that you can't work-play-run-sleep all at the same time (well, maybe occassionally...). So I'll keep my commitments to one at a time for now, while I slowly figure out what commitments I want. And how to be happy NOW. Not later. Not soon. Now.

Smiling is a great start. Smile as often as you can. I think right now, I'll smile, have a chamomile and then sleep. A good start for a new day tomorrow.

Wolverine.

Little Things

It may not be the greatest photo in the world, but it's the best I could get of this tricksy little bird. I ran across a description while looking up the species -- Musk Lorikeet -- that said they "fly bullet-like from tree to tree looking for food", which is exactly right. This one darted about, hopping from branch to branch, hiding in amongst the leaves, bolting higher in the tree whenever it felt like it. Geez. Some people (birds) are so difficult sometimes.

I took my photo-taking break earlier today, when I really needed to get out of my room. I was desperately restless, tired and lonely. But somehow, watching the birds (and chasing after them with a camera) always seems to make me feel better. Maybe it's just the complete different-ness of that challenge to that of uni and studying. The latter's very left-brain, organised, precise, but taking photos and jumping from vantage point to new vantage point isn't just about composition and focus. It's about the way things fit together and that's not a left-brain thing, that's a right-brain thing. You can't analyse a photo while you're taking it, especially when it's fast action. You just have to take the best shots you can.

So there I was, balancing on a narrow fence near a steep slope, wobbling and tensing-untensing-tensing my muscles trying to stay still, listening to the leaves rustling and the birdcalls when I couldn't see the darn little thing (those red patches vanish astonishly quickly, leaving just the green, which happens to be the perfect green of eucalyptus leaves) and just enjoying myself. I love taking photos of birds. It's just the challenge I need, and it was just the one I needed today.

I had another down spiral later today, in the evening. Homesick, restless again, lonely. I had to get out and go for a walk in the semi-dark (lots of lights, the sun had set though, long before). I wandered down to the little jetty on the lake nearby and just stood there, watching the lamplights wink at me from their reflections on the shifting water. I eventually noticed the ducks that were still paddling around, almost silent except for the splash that caught my attention and a few after that. So quiet and peaceful. It did calm me down, as I'd hoped.

So right now I'm just finishing off my second apple. Apples calm me down too. I cut them up into thick slices (quarters, generally), core them and drop them into a bowl of cold water. I know I'm hopeless with being distracted and completely forgetting to eat, so the water keeps them nice and fresh, as well as cool and crisp. I like sweetness, so I like red ones, but so far I've only found Fuji that are crisp enough for my liking.

So, my day has been full of calming, enjoyable things. Lorikeets, photos, ducks, apples, walks in the dark. Plenty.

I did get some studying done. I finished my last past/practise exam for Physics, and got a decent enough score. I'm happy with that, going into the exam tomorrow. I feel confidant.

And now, I think I'll have a chamomile soon, and then get to bed. I'm not sleepy right now, but I will be soon, and I want a good sleep before tomorrow's exam. I'm not too worried. I know where to go and everything.


Wolverine.

Do It Now

It's not the best photo, but it is the best for symbolising me right now.

I found this site this evening after spending most of the day struggling to work, and it's brilliant. (The title of this post is the title of one of his articles.) I am going to follow his 'teachings' for the next two weeks and then use them to create my own versions.

My goal: to pass the exams with a 75% rate overall. 70% for Physics and Chemistry, 80% for Maths and Structure.

My future goal will be to understand the subjects and explore them, but I cannot do that without first getting past this hurdle and then learning the stuff I don't understand when I have the time.

Steve promotes time management, focusing on one thing intensely and having the enthusiasm to get it done because it matters to you. That is what the next two weeks are going to be. Not grunt grunt grunt, but focus, fast learning and memorising the mundane things that need memorising. I can do that. I will do that.

Wolverine.

Intricacy

I took quite a few pictures today, but only a few turned out nicely, as usual. Of those better ones, each one had quite a different feel to it. Although they were all good and I wanted to display them all, I decided on this one because it reflects my life at the moment. Details everywhere. Busy, yet all linked. See, there's me in the middle!

The others, to me, represented tranquility, solemnity and annoyance. Ducks in the dusk light and a poor bird who didn't like me taking his photo. I loved tranquility and solemnity (is that even a real word?), but it didn't feel quite right for this post, the beginning of my exam studying.

I came up with a detailed plan for the next week and a half/two weeks. It's there, ready and waiting. All I have to do is follow it and I should get through my exams. Hopefully. Trust.

I will study and work through my exams, not with ease, but with confidance.

It is early, but I have already had my chamomile and tomorrow is an early start. So, I believe an early bedtime is in order. Sleep well, friends.

Wolverine.

The Desert Ahead

Two weeks doesn't seem like that long, does it? It's one fortnight, two segments of seven days. For most people, that's two segments of five days working and two segments of two days working on other stuff ;P Eight hours a day, then turn the brains off in the evening, cook, eat, watch TV and sleep.

In the next two weeks, I have work seven days a week, about 12+ hours a day. Not because I'm a masochist, but because I'm a student.

Oh yes. Exams.

Exams mean study. Study means a lot of work, and no set hours. There's always more to be done.

To be honest, I've made it harder for myself by trying ot make it easier. I'm staying at my uni residence for the entire two weeks, and although two weeks spent living on your own is nothing to most single people, it's a long time for me. I have to cook in a crap kitchen. I have to do my washing in strange machines. I don't get any hugs for two long weeks.

Especially the hugs.

Tired right now, and starting to get worried. My first exam is on this coming Monday; that's four days in which to study. I haven't hardly studied at all yet. Yes, I am a procrastinator. How did you guess?


Wolverine.

Month Crossover

I have discovered that it is adding photos at any point not at the very beginning of a post that causes my problems with formatting. If I add one, all the single enters up to the point I'd typed before adding become double enters, and any enters afterwards (as in space-line-enters, not regular line-enters) are not recognised and all my lines get mashed up close together.

Now, they probably like it. However, I don't. I like my words to be spaced out. So I must remember; add photos first if I want to include them.

Didn't get a whole heap done today. 1 lecture and 2 online quizzes took up all of my day (plus a nap and reading some blogs and FM). No chamomile tonight. It's late enough to be bedtime already. I swear, where do the late hours go?


Wolverine.

What Can You See?

"Know what I can see?" Tate said, "From this distance, everything is so bloody perfect."

-- on the jellicoe road, Melina Marchetta

Today, I went out side for a break from the heatered, comfortable, boring inside of my room. It had been raining, but for those few minutes it wasn't. Windy, and the trees kept dumping droplets on me, but not raining. I took my camera out with me, not sure what I wanted to take, but just something.

I found the leaves with their droplets on, suspended in time. I was struggling to take photos of them, looking up and up; I'm not exactly the world's tallest person, and the wind was shaking the leaves too. While I was busy with that, someone walked past. Don't know who he was, although I think he lives in my residence.

"What can you see up there?" he asked.

"Water droplets," I replied and then, a moment later, paused. I'd just read on the jellicoe road recently, so the wording stuck in my head. The guy had already shrugged and walked on, but I realised it was an important question. What do you see everyday? What do you see when things are ordinary and life is just a daily drudge? What do you see to make even the most boring day special?

What can I see?

I saw water droplets, suspended in time, clinging on despite the frantic shaking of the branches.

What can YOU see?


Wolverine.

Munched Mushroom

Another photo I took today. I couldn't choose between this and the sky, so I had to put both in! It really looks like this pretty mushroom has been nibbled at by something, doesn't it? I hope it's still around tomorrow; I want to take some more photos of it in better light than dusk light.





Wolverine.

Picking Up Myself

Another gorgeous sky at uni today. Taken just after 5pm, maybe around 5.15pm. I'd say the colours were gone by 5.25pm. But for those few minutes, they're wonderful. I enjoyed taking the photos; it only took up about 10-15 minutes of my time, yet it was a great break from thinking about uni. I must remember to allow myself these downtimes and breaks, just not let them dominate everything else.

I've linked to this blog over at Forward Motion. I decided I can keep up with fairly regular posts without too much difficulty, even when I'm busy (or supposed to be busy). These are my thoughts, which I have -- up until now -- been unloading onto the 'Daily Page and Word Count' (ie, daily goals) board at FM. I've never felt 100% comfortable about that, however, because most of the people there are busy enough as it is!

Today I got more done than yesterday, which is always a plus when I'm in a slump. However, my affirmations (and probably also my irriation at myself) worked somewhat today at least: I have not napped, although I did put my head down on my knees for a few minutes. Just to close my eyes. I struggled to get up and decided I should lie in if my body needed to. Also, perhaps tuning in to my trying, my 8am lecture tomorrow is now schedule for 10am, and it's my only class. So a sleep in, breakfast and a morning shower. All ways I like to start my days infinitely more than getting up early and rushing off to class.

Affirmations, so I've heard, work better if phrased positively. So, "I will start something tomorrow" is much better than "I will not delay said something any longer". I have been going to bed too late recently, so I must remember to be mindful of the clock at this time of night, my natural time.



I will finish my chamomile and go to bed soon after.


I'm still not sure how to phrase 'tomorrow' in affirmations. It seems repetitive to repeat it in every affirmation, but at the same time I want to send a clear message to my subconscious: This is what is happening (but not right this second). So, for now, I shall just group my 'tomorrow' affirmations together:


I will complete all my quizzes and be ready to do revision afterwards.
I will wash my dishes.


And now my chamomile is too cold, so I believe it's time to finish this up and head off to bed.


Wolverine.

Affirmations over Irritation

A sunset over my uni late last week. It was brighter in reality, but it's still nice. Strange tower though.

Did not get anywhere near as much done today as I wanted? When does enough become enough? At what point will I get so irritated with myself that I'll kick myself into working? How close does it have to get to exams before I panic and beat myself up? (Already beating myself up in my head, not panicking yet.)

I am also irritated that, no matter what, I am tired most of the time. Except for later at night, when I wake up! Actually, my eyes are physically tired and drooping, like the rest of the day, but I haven't been sleeping well. (Bugger. The clock just kicked over to 12.00. That means this won't actually post on the right date -- it's still Tuesday in my head, although the clock would insist not. Bah. It's still the same day until you sleep, then the next day arrives fresh. I wonder what that would mean with an all-nighter? In a world where it made a difference?)

One thing I have read about and have been trying to remember is the use of affirmations and visualisations. The former is 'easy' for word-people, the latter is 'easy' for picture-people; for me, both are hard. The voices in my head don't like to be silenced or changed, and as for seeing, y'know, pictures in my head? When I close my eyes it goes dark, don't you know?

But I'm trying. The easiest on paper (or blog) are affirmations, because they are words. So, why not get started now. Each post will contain an affirmation, clearly set out as such. I am focusing on improving my life, and this is just one more step down that path. (I can see the path in my head, so I do actually understand what people mean by 'seeing' or visualing things in their heads. I just struggle with it.)

I go to bed at a reasonable time.
I fall asleep easily and wake up refreshed after an uninterrupted night.

That's enough for now. I'm not going to overload, just whatever is on my mind right at the time of posting. Actually, I think that means I need another:

I do the work I need to do in order to approach my exams prepared to my satisfaction.

Right. Now, time for bed. Chamomile down. I am going to do a few quick back exercises, because the muscles there need strengthening, especially with carrying heavy bags around all day. After that, it's a few minutes reading my Tranquility book and then lights out. And a good night's sleep.

Wolverine

'Joie de vivre' and self discipline/motivation

A nice picture of my little dog, Billy. He takes well in high contrast. About a week ago now.

Self discipline is very tough sometimes. Right now, I know I should be studying. I know I've got exams in two weeks. (How could I not?) I know I don't know enough to go as well as I want to. But I still don't study. Sometimes I just don't study as much as I should; lately I've hardly been studying at all.

I've been getting back to my room, reading something or coming online and being bored wandering around sites pointlessly. I've been dozing and napping and lying around. But studying is boring too; it's not like doing it would 'un-bored' me. I think that's the problem. Once I get started I'm okay, I can keep going. But it's the getting started that I struggle with. Especially with past/practise exams, because they run for three hours. Three hours straight is a very difficult block of time to set aside. I've got revision lectures (not very helpful, so far), tutorials and labs, breakfast/lunch/dinner to eat not too early, not too late, a phonecall from my parents later in the evening... a whole bunch of stuff that seems to give me 1 or 2 hour blocks to work with, but rarely 3 hours. Still, I know I just have to sit down and do them. If I get interrupted, I'll just have to get my concentration back and go back to work. Nothing else I can do.

My down mood is carrying on from the weekend, when I was really mopey and unsure of what point uni actually is. Do I want a career, is this the right direction, can I stay focused on it for very long, etc. Pointless whining that doesn't help anyone, especially me. So, my focus for the week is joie de vivre, or 'the joy of living'. (There might be some accents in there, but I don't really know French.) I need to consciously focus on finding happiness in my life right now, as it is currently constituted. Can't look forward or back for happiness now, except to focus on things that I'm looking forward to. Like, right now, I'm having a drink of chamomile. And a little while after that, I'll be going to bed and getting some sleep. And tomorrow morning I've got my latest start (10am) and I can cook breakfast and take my time with it. Little things.

So. I need to find some positive things about uni. Right now they're mostly about health and food and sleep. Great things, but not very study-inspiring. Therefore, I shall think. Hmm....

I know I feel confidant about most of my Structures subject. If I do a past exam of that then I should feel confidant enough to fix my problems with my other subjects. I've got a big gap tomorrow between classes; five hours, enough for walking to the uni and back, eating lunch and a full practise exam. Sounds like a plan.

Almost finished my chamomile. I like this nighttime ritual.


Wolverine.

Curious Effect

A random photo. It's a bit old, a couple of weeks, I think, but I've only just uploaded it today. Last time I tried I got The Blue Screen of Death TM, but it all worked fine this time.

This is absolutely, 100% a photo. No special effects what-so-ever. I love taking surreal photos that are completely from life. Confuses people nicely.

Wolverine.

Gasp!: The Gap in the Blog

There is a gap in the blog. Probably not noticable -- anyone wandering through would have thought "Tried for a couple of days and then gave up." Well, it's actually just my routine. I spend the week at my residence at uni, but on the weekends I go home. I love home. At this point, most other teenagers would stare at me and wonder what planet I came from. Nearly all of them want to get out, away from their parents and the confines of home.

I found that the comforts and love and company of home are better than freedom. That is my personal opinion, obviously, and not many people share it, but that's how I see my world.

So, every Friday night I pack up my belongings and head home. It's a two hour train trip or a 45 minute drive, and with baggage the trains would be a nightmare anyway, so I get picked up. Both my parents work, so they don't get here until about 8pm, so I have time to get packed. (Before my mum started her new job, she'd pick me up around 5-6pm.) I wash all the dishes I have left -- that could be anything from one meal's worth to the entire week's (grammar?). All my used clothes get taken home, and any leftover bits of foods -- throwing more than a tiny scrap of food away at the residence tends to bring in the ants, so it's easier just to throw it away at home. It's more than I would have thought from just a week of usage, but it does add up. I also tend to take some uni-work home but not end up getting it done. Home is for relaxing and sleeping and cooking and loving my family.

So, here it is, Sunday night again. I came back earlier this afternoon, like every other week. Packed up pre-cooked meals for the majority of the week, some clean clothes and any other random bits and pieces I need to bring, and head back over. It's normally only half an hour on Sunday afternoons, because it's light traffic. It is, however, down the busiest road in the state (in the country? not sure).

And now, after having read my third book of the weekend and dozed for a couple of hours, I am ready for bed. I'm tired, and I haven't been feeling very good this weekend. In the head, that is; I'm struggling to find a purpose and a reason to keep going with uni and a career and all that. I talked to my dad and he tried to help, and I know it is better than this. Brooding does not help. I know this. What helps is to find the positive things and work with those. Like, right now, I'm about to have a chamomile tea and then get some sleep. That's good. And after tomorrow, all my projects for the semester will be finished. And in just over three weeks, all my exams will be over and I'll have a month's break, during which I can sleep, uninterrupted, at home. They're all good things. I have plans to see friends and smile.

Much better than moping. So, time for that chamomile. Goodnight all!


Wolverine.

Sky Wide Colour

Here's a roughly-done panorama of the sky last night. Aren't the colours just gorgeous?


Miss Wolvie

Chamomile Time

I tried to take some photos today. The sky was gorgeous reds and greys, and I caught the colour, but didn't focus properly. I could see the colour literally fading away every moment, so I just grabbed my camera and shot. I didn't have time to run for my tripod, or to figure out the right settings; I just put the focus on 'infinity' and the white-balance on cloudy and started taking.

When I figure out some photo-uploading thingy I'll put some photos up, because even without a proper focus the colours are worth seeing. One day I'll have enough time to get my tripod set up and focus properly.

Busy day today, with three lectures, one lab class and some work done inbetween. Nearly all the semester work done now, with only one project and a few online quizzes left; then all that remains is revision and exams. I need to fix up my schedule so I can do enough practise exams and figure out my weaknesses (what weaknesses? oh, just everything). Soon.

It's the end of a long day; I'll post a topic-ed post sometime soon, but not right now. Right now it's chamomile time and then bed.


Miss Wolvie

On Being Me

Once this first post is done, then the intro is done. Might as well get it over and done with, hadn't I?

Welcome to my world. It's a bit lopsided, a bit mis-matched, but don't worry. It won't make sense, but it'll soon cease to need too. I'm just enjoying being me! Why bother what other people say? If you don't live your life as you need to, then you'll be unhappy.

Not to say being me is easy. But it would be a lot harder if I didn't try to make my own decisions, based on what I find floating about in my mind. (Odd little gremlins aside, that is. They come in later.)

I'm a first-year uni student in Melbourne, Australia. Typical age. Currently living on campus; a recluse in a party paradise isn't the best combination, but I'm coping. I'm doing an Engineering/Science degree and struggling somewhat right now; it's a tough course, and I didn't want to move out of home. In fact, I resisted it until the very last minute, but that only meant that when I did move I hadn't prepared myself for it, mentally. So I've spent the last semester (remember, southern hemisphere, mid-year is just approaching now; it's almost winter here) trying to settle in. My work suffered somewhat and that's a shame, but it's slowly picking back up. Exams are in three weeks, and after those then I can re-evaluate.

What else do I do when I'm not frantically studying or panicking? Well, this and that. I write on-and-off; have for about four or five years now. I've finished one novel and two-three dozen short stories, although none are great yet, and publication eludes me. However, I am trying to keep up with at least some writing, because otherwise all the random ideas that drift around in my head would get lost in this hectic world.

When I remember to carry my camera around, I also take photos. I tend towards nature photos, especially animals. Birds, possums, insects/grubs, a few of my dogs. There's others in there, of course, and the sky around my uni is fairly gorgeous if I can only find a good place to take it.

I'm also learning to cook from my mum. I'm not very good yet, but I am slowly getting there. There's something wonderful about creating something that's beneficial for that day, right there. Cooking two or three different meals all at once, in preparation for the week, or just helping with the dinner for the evening. Discovering how things come together to make something special. It's just as creative as writing and photography, but also completely different.

And that's about it for now. It's getting on late, and I don't tend to sleep well here; I'm betting most people know that the downfall of student accomodation is noise. However, I'm going to grab some chamomile and then head off to bed. Hopefully I'll catch a full nights sleep.


Miss Wolvie