Not Very Interesting -- More Study

A recent photo, although not today's. I only took four today, and they weren't worth putting up.

Haven't had a brilliant day, during a time when I cannot really afford to have off days. Struggled to get any work done, mainly due to focus and motivation and frustration. I only have one and half days until my exams are completely over. Eek. That means that tomorrow I have to study, and then Monday after my Chem exam I have to study for my Maths exam. And then by Tuesday afternoon I'll be free!

Huge mug of chamomile, early night and a fresh start tomorrow. Bright perspective. Might go out for an early morning walk and freeze or something similar.

Wolverine.

'Two's and 'Twoo's

Today is the day for two's. It is the first day of my second week here. (2 weeks.) It is the day before my second exam. (2 exams.) When that exam is done (which I have already completed studying for) I will have 2 exams left. And 2 ducks. Well, of course.

I remember the very high's and low's of me a few years ago. Whether it was depression or just severe teenage hormones, I don't really care anymore. I'm just glad when, like today, I have a fairly bad up-and-down day in terms of emotions, that I'm not in that place anymore. Nothing can compare to manic highs and depressive lows. So, even on bad days, when I'm struggling - going fine - struggling - breezing by, I can see how much better life is now.

Which opens the door to how much better life could be. When I was in the depths of my depressive stage, I couldn't see anything better. Well, I could, but I couldn't see it happening to me. Isn't that what many people see in their lives? Sure, some people are super happy, but it's not for me. I'm fine just where I am.

Until you've climbed out of pits, you don't know what a blessing ground level can be, but you also can see the possibility that this 'ground level' is just the leg-up for a higher and better stage.

Got my exam tomorrow. I've struggled to get projects in on time, to understand many complex functions, to find the motivation to work. I want a good mark right now, I have reasons and the ambition for it, and I can do it. Beat that, nyeah.

Someone proabably can. But right now, that's good enough for me. I'll explore the next level up soon.

Think positive. It works.


Wolverine.

Do It Now

It's not the best photo, but it is the best for symbolising me right now.

I found this site this evening after spending most of the day struggling to work, and it's brilliant. (The title of this post is the title of one of his articles.) I am going to follow his 'teachings' for the next two weeks and then use them to create my own versions.

My goal: to pass the exams with a 75% rate overall. 70% for Physics and Chemistry, 80% for Maths and Structure.

My future goal will be to understand the subjects and explore them, but I cannot do that without first getting past this hurdle and then learning the stuff I don't understand when I have the time.

Steve promotes time management, focusing on one thing intensely and having the enthusiasm to get it done because it matters to you. That is what the next two weeks are going to be. Not grunt grunt grunt, but focus, fast learning and memorising the mundane things that need memorising. I can do that. I will do that.

Wolverine.

'Joie de vivre' and self discipline/motivation

A nice picture of my little dog, Billy. He takes well in high contrast. About a week ago now.

Self discipline is very tough sometimes. Right now, I know I should be studying. I know I've got exams in two weeks. (How could I not?) I know I don't know enough to go as well as I want to. But I still don't study. Sometimes I just don't study as much as I should; lately I've hardly been studying at all.

I've been getting back to my room, reading something or coming online and being bored wandering around sites pointlessly. I've been dozing and napping and lying around. But studying is boring too; it's not like doing it would 'un-bored' me. I think that's the problem. Once I get started I'm okay, I can keep going. But it's the getting started that I struggle with. Especially with past/practise exams, because they run for three hours. Three hours straight is a very difficult block of time to set aside. I've got revision lectures (not very helpful, so far), tutorials and labs, breakfast/lunch/dinner to eat not too early, not too late, a phonecall from my parents later in the evening... a whole bunch of stuff that seems to give me 1 or 2 hour blocks to work with, but rarely 3 hours. Still, I know I just have to sit down and do them. If I get interrupted, I'll just have to get my concentration back and go back to work. Nothing else I can do.

My down mood is carrying on from the weekend, when I was really mopey and unsure of what point uni actually is. Do I want a career, is this the right direction, can I stay focused on it for very long, etc. Pointless whining that doesn't help anyone, especially me. So, my focus for the week is joie de vivre, or 'the joy of living'. (There might be some accents in there, but I don't really know French.) I need to consciously focus on finding happiness in my life right now, as it is currently constituted. Can't look forward or back for happiness now, except to focus on things that I'm looking forward to. Like, right now, I'm having a drink of chamomile. And a little while after that, I'll be going to bed and getting some sleep. And tomorrow morning I've got my latest start (10am) and I can cook breakfast and take my time with it. Little things.

So. I need to find some positive things about uni. Right now they're mostly about health and food and sleep. Great things, but not very study-inspiring. Therefore, I shall think. Hmm....

I know I feel confidant about most of my Structures subject. If I do a past exam of that then I should feel confidant enough to fix my problems with my other subjects. I've got a big gap tomorrow between classes; five hours, enough for walking to the uni and back, eating lunch and a full practise exam. Sounds like a plan.

Almost finished my chamomile. I like this nighttime ritual.


Wolverine.