'Two's and 'Twoo's

Today is the day for two's. It is the first day of my second week here. (2 weeks.) It is the day before my second exam. (2 exams.) When that exam is done (which I have already completed studying for) I will have 2 exams left. And 2 ducks. Well, of course.

I remember the very high's and low's of me a few years ago. Whether it was depression or just severe teenage hormones, I don't really care anymore. I'm just glad when, like today, I have a fairly bad up-and-down day in terms of emotions, that I'm not in that place anymore. Nothing can compare to manic highs and depressive lows. So, even on bad days, when I'm struggling - going fine - struggling - breezing by, I can see how much better life is now.

Which opens the door to how much better life could be. When I was in the depths of my depressive stage, I couldn't see anything better. Well, I could, but I couldn't see it happening to me. Isn't that what many people see in their lives? Sure, some people are super happy, but it's not for me. I'm fine just where I am.

Until you've climbed out of pits, you don't know what a blessing ground level can be, but you also can see the possibility that this 'ground level' is just the leg-up for a higher and better stage.

Got my exam tomorrow. I've struggled to get projects in on time, to understand many complex functions, to find the motivation to work. I want a good mark right now, I have reasons and the ambition for it, and I can do it. Beat that, nyeah.

Someone proabably can. But right now, that's good enough for me. I'll explore the next level up soon.

Think positive. It works.


Wolverine.

Do It Now

It's not the best photo, but it is the best for symbolising me right now.

I found this site this evening after spending most of the day struggling to work, and it's brilliant. (The title of this post is the title of one of his articles.) I am going to follow his 'teachings' for the next two weeks and then use them to create my own versions.

My goal: to pass the exams with a 75% rate overall. 70% for Physics and Chemistry, 80% for Maths and Structure.

My future goal will be to understand the subjects and explore them, but I cannot do that without first getting past this hurdle and then learning the stuff I don't understand when I have the time.

Steve promotes time management, focusing on one thing intensely and having the enthusiasm to get it done because it matters to you. That is what the next two weeks are going to be. Not grunt grunt grunt, but focus, fast learning and memorising the mundane things that need memorising. I can do that. I will do that.

Wolverine.

Intricacy

I took quite a few pictures today, but only a few turned out nicely, as usual. Of those better ones, each one had quite a different feel to it. Although they were all good and I wanted to display them all, I decided on this one because it reflects my life at the moment. Details everywhere. Busy, yet all linked. See, there's me in the middle!

The others, to me, represented tranquility, solemnity and annoyance. Ducks in the dusk light and a poor bird who didn't like me taking his photo. I loved tranquility and solemnity (is that even a real word?), but it didn't feel quite right for this post, the beginning of my exam studying.

I came up with a detailed plan for the next week and a half/two weeks. It's there, ready and waiting. All I have to do is follow it and I should get through my exams. Hopefully. Trust.

I will study and work through my exams, not with ease, but with confidance.

It is early, but I have already had my chamomile and tomorrow is an early start. So, I believe an early bedtime is in order. Sleep well, friends.

Wolverine.

Picking Up Myself

Another gorgeous sky at uni today. Taken just after 5pm, maybe around 5.15pm. I'd say the colours were gone by 5.25pm. But for those few minutes, they're wonderful. I enjoyed taking the photos; it only took up about 10-15 minutes of my time, yet it was a great break from thinking about uni. I must remember to allow myself these downtimes and breaks, just not let them dominate everything else.

I've linked to this blog over at Forward Motion. I decided I can keep up with fairly regular posts without too much difficulty, even when I'm busy (or supposed to be busy). These are my thoughts, which I have -- up until now -- been unloading onto the 'Daily Page and Word Count' (ie, daily goals) board at FM. I've never felt 100% comfortable about that, however, because most of the people there are busy enough as it is!

Today I got more done than yesterday, which is always a plus when I'm in a slump. However, my affirmations (and probably also my irriation at myself) worked somewhat today at least: I have not napped, although I did put my head down on my knees for a few minutes. Just to close my eyes. I struggled to get up and decided I should lie in if my body needed to. Also, perhaps tuning in to my trying, my 8am lecture tomorrow is now schedule for 10am, and it's my only class. So a sleep in, breakfast and a morning shower. All ways I like to start my days infinitely more than getting up early and rushing off to class.

Affirmations, so I've heard, work better if phrased positively. So, "I will start something tomorrow" is much better than "I will not delay said something any longer". I have been going to bed too late recently, so I must remember to be mindful of the clock at this time of night, my natural time.



I will finish my chamomile and go to bed soon after.


I'm still not sure how to phrase 'tomorrow' in affirmations. It seems repetitive to repeat it in every affirmation, but at the same time I want to send a clear message to my subconscious: This is what is happening (but not right this second). So, for now, I shall just group my 'tomorrow' affirmations together:


I will complete all my quizzes and be ready to do revision afterwards.
I will wash my dishes.


And now my chamomile is too cold, so I believe it's time to finish this up and head off to bed.


Wolverine.

Affirmations over Irritation

A sunset over my uni late last week. It was brighter in reality, but it's still nice. Strange tower though.

Did not get anywhere near as much done today as I wanted? When does enough become enough? At what point will I get so irritated with myself that I'll kick myself into working? How close does it have to get to exams before I panic and beat myself up? (Already beating myself up in my head, not panicking yet.)

I am also irritated that, no matter what, I am tired most of the time. Except for later at night, when I wake up! Actually, my eyes are physically tired and drooping, like the rest of the day, but I haven't been sleeping well. (Bugger. The clock just kicked over to 12.00. That means this won't actually post on the right date -- it's still Tuesday in my head, although the clock would insist not. Bah. It's still the same day until you sleep, then the next day arrives fresh. I wonder what that would mean with an all-nighter? In a world where it made a difference?)

One thing I have read about and have been trying to remember is the use of affirmations and visualisations. The former is 'easy' for word-people, the latter is 'easy' for picture-people; for me, both are hard. The voices in my head don't like to be silenced or changed, and as for seeing, y'know, pictures in my head? When I close my eyes it goes dark, don't you know?

But I'm trying. The easiest on paper (or blog) are affirmations, because they are words. So, why not get started now. Each post will contain an affirmation, clearly set out as such. I am focusing on improving my life, and this is just one more step down that path. (I can see the path in my head, so I do actually understand what people mean by 'seeing' or visualing things in their heads. I just struggle with it.)

I go to bed at a reasonable time.
I fall asleep easily and wake up refreshed after an uninterrupted night.

That's enough for now. I'm not going to overload, just whatever is on my mind right at the time of posting. Actually, I think that means I need another:

I do the work I need to do in order to approach my exams prepared to my satisfaction.

Right. Now, time for bed. Chamomile down. I am going to do a few quick back exercises, because the muscles there need strengthening, especially with carrying heavy bags around all day. After that, it's a few minutes reading my Tranquility book and then lights out. And a good night's sleep.

Wolverine