Blegh

No picture today -- I'm too tired to go through them and find a nice one. I've been sick for, um, five days now, and I'm still not better yet. My head has been dizzy and hazy the entire time, so of course I didn't get anything much done.

Back at uni now after collapsing at home over the weekend, here for two weeks because I've got something on this weekend down here. Haven't really got much else to say, but I wanted to wander back over here before I forgot all about it. Still mostly concentrating on staying awake, staying upright and being semi-coherant for uni.


Wolverine

Non-Uni Intentions and Ponderings

This is what outside my home looks like.

Well, busy. I didn't mention in my previous post (I think) that we sold our house on the weekend. That birdfeeder is a new one we bought to look nice because our old one was really ratty and, well, old. So, we've got about two more months at home before it isn't our home anymore. I still haven't figured out how I feel about it, so enough of that for now.

Today went well during the daytime, and is the sort of day I want to continue, although I want the evenigns to be useful and feel positive and rewarding as well. I keep having long naps and although they feel wonderful, it means that the late afternoon/early evening period feels like a waste, and it also means that I am awake at times like now, ie, 1.55am. Something I need to work on improving is shortening the time of my naps, from a full-on sleep to a powernap.

When I finally get up and moving and showered and breakfasted, I actually really like mornigns. The light is gorgeous, they *feel* light and airy and gentle, and they're so quiet. I love quiet. What would make me feel wonderful is to get up with a decent amount of time in the morning, do all my usual mornign routine, plus a walk outside to get moving, and some reflection time that doesn't turn into internet-browsing time or book-reading time.

And it's finally quiet now, so I think I'll keep those things in mind as I go to bed, and implement them as best I can over the next few days.


Wolverine

Greetings Again

I am back from the abyss. Well... not really. I just hardly went on the internet when I was at home, that's all.

I love being at home. It's quiet and family-ish and non-uni-ish and... well, yeah. That's why, really. So much so that I feel no need to go on the computer. Honestly, none. I've got two -- my desktop, which lives at home, and the laptop I'm using now, which lives at uni, yet I probably turned them on maybe three or four times (not counting updates for the firewall/virus protector programy thing or virus scans).

Now I'm back at uni. It's very late, I didn't eat dinner tonight and I have class tomorrow morning. Soooo.. I think I'll go to bed without saying anything else.

But I'm back.


Wolverine.

No More Exams

No photo today -- I'm back on my old computer with old photos that I need to sort through.

However, I have finished my exams. And I'm home. That's about all that really matters right now.


Wolverine.

Goofy and Great

It's not the best one I took today (the best has slightly better focus and quite a bit better composition) but it's the greatest. I mean, come on, isn't it adorably goofy? I know she's just cleaning, but frozen in time like that just makes me giggle. (Okay, lots of things right now make me grin and giggle.)

I did my Chemsistry exam today! Yeah! Feel like I went well, even with a few small things I didn't know, and that means that my most worrisome exam is done! (More exclamation abuse today.) I came into knowing Yr 9 level Chem while it expected Yr 12 level Chem, and I managed it. Maybe I won't ace it, but I've done damn well for trying to pick up 2.5 years in 4 months. I'm not going to be shy or modest about it -- I worked hard and it paid off, and I'm very very happy about it.

And I took some funny goose photos. What could be a better day?

I did get studying done for my final exam tomorrow, Maths. Although it was a bit tough I got it done and scored well, so I feel confident (must look up the spelling of that...). I'm ready. I'm pumped. And once it's done, I"M GOING HOME!

Tuesday the 19th of June 2007 is a GREAT day. Monday the 18th of June 2007 was a PRETTY DAMN GOOD day too.

(Now the little gremlins will come in the night to steal my caps-key and exclamation-key.)


Wolverine.

Not Very Interesting -- More Study

A recent photo, although not today's. I only took four today, and they weren't worth putting up.

Haven't had a brilliant day, during a time when I cannot really afford to have off days. Struggled to get any work done, mainly due to focus and motivation and frustration. I only have one and half days until my exams are completely over. Eek. That means that tomorrow I have to study, and then Monday after my Chem exam I have to study for my Maths exam. And then by Tuesday afternoon I'll be free!

Huge mug of chamomile, early night and a fresh start tomorrow. Bright perspective. Might go out for an early morning walk and freeze or something similar.

Wolverine.

Little Things

It may not be the greatest photo in the world, but it's the best I could get of this tricksy little bird. I ran across a description while looking up the species -- Musk Lorikeet -- that said they "fly bullet-like from tree to tree looking for food", which is exactly right. This one darted about, hopping from branch to branch, hiding in amongst the leaves, bolting higher in the tree whenever it felt like it. Geez. Some people (birds) are so difficult sometimes.

I took my photo-taking break earlier today, when I really needed to get out of my room. I was desperately restless, tired and lonely. But somehow, watching the birds (and chasing after them with a camera) always seems to make me feel better. Maybe it's just the complete different-ness of that challenge to that of uni and studying. The latter's very left-brain, organised, precise, but taking photos and jumping from vantage point to new vantage point isn't just about composition and focus. It's about the way things fit together and that's not a left-brain thing, that's a right-brain thing. You can't analyse a photo while you're taking it, especially when it's fast action. You just have to take the best shots you can.

So there I was, balancing on a narrow fence near a steep slope, wobbling and tensing-untensing-tensing my muscles trying to stay still, listening to the leaves rustling and the birdcalls when I couldn't see the darn little thing (those red patches vanish astonishly quickly, leaving just the green, which happens to be the perfect green of eucalyptus leaves) and just enjoying myself. I love taking photos of birds. It's just the challenge I need, and it was just the one I needed today.

I had another down spiral later today, in the evening. Homesick, restless again, lonely. I had to get out and go for a walk in the semi-dark (lots of lights, the sun had set though, long before). I wandered down to the little jetty on the lake nearby and just stood there, watching the lamplights wink at me from their reflections on the shifting water. I eventually noticed the ducks that were still paddling around, almost silent except for the splash that caught my attention and a few after that. So quiet and peaceful. It did calm me down, as I'd hoped.

So right now I'm just finishing off my second apple. Apples calm me down too. I cut them up into thick slices (quarters, generally), core them and drop them into a bowl of cold water. I know I'm hopeless with being distracted and completely forgetting to eat, so the water keeps them nice and fresh, as well as cool and crisp. I like sweetness, so I like red ones, but so far I've only found Fuji that are crisp enough for my liking.

So, my day has been full of calming, enjoyable things. Lorikeets, photos, ducks, apples, walks in the dark. Plenty.

I did get some studying done. I finished my last past/practise exam for Physics, and got a decent enough score. I'm happy with that, going into the exam tomorrow. I feel confidant.

And now, I think I'll have a chamomile soon, and then get to bed. I'm not sleepy right now, but I will be soon, and I want a good sleep before tomorrow's exam. I'm not too worried. I know where to go and everything.


Wolverine.

The Desert Ahead

Two weeks doesn't seem like that long, does it? It's one fortnight, two segments of seven days. For most people, that's two segments of five days working and two segments of two days working on other stuff ;P Eight hours a day, then turn the brains off in the evening, cook, eat, watch TV and sleep.

In the next two weeks, I have work seven days a week, about 12+ hours a day. Not because I'm a masochist, but because I'm a student.

Oh yes. Exams.

Exams mean study. Study means a lot of work, and no set hours. There's always more to be done.

To be honest, I've made it harder for myself by trying ot make it easier. I'm staying at my uni residence for the entire two weeks, and although two weeks spent living on your own is nothing to most single people, it's a long time for me. I have to cook in a crap kitchen. I have to do my washing in strange machines. I don't get any hugs for two long weeks.

Especially the hugs.

Tired right now, and starting to get worried. My first exam is on this coming Monday; that's four days in which to study. I haven't hardly studied at all yet. Yes, I am a procrastinator. How did you guess?


Wolverine.

Gasp!: The Gap in the Blog

There is a gap in the blog. Probably not noticable -- anyone wandering through would have thought "Tried for a couple of days and then gave up." Well, it's actually just my routine. I spend the week at my residence at uni, but on the weekends I go home. I love home. At this point, most other teenagers would stare at me and wonder what planet I came from. Nearly all of them want to get out, away from their parents and the confines of home.

I found that the comforts and love and company of home are better than freedom. That is my personal opinion, obviously, and not many people share it, but that's how I see my world.

So, every Friday night I pack up my belongings and head home. It's a two hour train trip or a 45 minute drive, and with baggage the trains would be a nightmare anyway, so I get picked up. Both my parents work, so they don't get here until about 8pm, so I have time to get packed. (Before my mum started her new job, she'd pick me up around 5-6pm.) I wash all the dishes I have left -- that could be anything from one meal's worth to the entire week's (grammar?). All my used clothes get taken home, and any leftover bits of foods -- throwing more than a tiny scrap of food away at the residence tends to bring in the ants, so it's easier just to throw it away at home. It's more than I would have thought from just a week of usage, but it does add up. I also tend to take some uni-work home but not end up getting it done. Home is for relaxing and sleeping and cooking and loving my family.

So, here it is, Sunday night again. I came back earlier this afternoon, like every other week. Packed up pre-cooked meals for the majority of the week, some clean clothes and any other random bits and pieces I need to bring, and head back over. It's normally only half an hour on Sunday afternoons, because it's light traffic. It is, however, down the busiest road in the state (in the country? not sure).

And now, after having read my third book of the weekend and dozed for a couple of hours, I am ready for bed. I'm tired, and I haven't been feeling very good this weekend. In the head, that is; I'm struggling to find a purpose and a reason to keep going with uni and a career and all that. I talked to my dad and he tried to help, and I know it is better than this. Brooding does not help. I know this. What helps is to find the positive things and work with those. Like, right now, I'm about to have a chamomile tea and then get some sleep. That's good. And after tomorrow, all my projects for the semester will be finished. And in just over three weeks, all my exams will be over and I'll have a month's break, during which I can sleep, uninterrupted, at home. They're all good things. I have plans to see friends and smile.

Much better than moping. So, time for that chamomile. Goodnight all!


Wolverine.